Have you ever just felt blah? Or the idea of putting pants on or opening your eyes sounds like too much work? It is awful. From my own experience, I find there is a difference between depression and sadness. Sadness is more situational and typically follows an event/happening. Depression can be a bit of jerk. It comes out of no where and won’t have a cause. You just have this overwhelming sense of doom and gloom, that feeling of hopelessness with a splash of “why me?”. Sometimes it is confusing and I feel they get interchanged a lot.
Let’s be honest though, it doesn’t matter which it is. I find that at some point in our day, week, month, year and life we all have felt that unrelenting despair. I don’t think mental health gets addressed enough. It’s probably because we live in a world where we all have to put on a facade and pretend we have our crap together. It isn’t realistic. It’s a dumpster fire sometimes. Sometimes I like having my pity party for one. It helps me get through and cope with the feelings I am having, then go put my big girl pants on and handle my stuff. I try to teach my kids that it is ok to acknowledge the feelings we are experiencing. Don’t pretend. It helps nothing. Feel happy, overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated, pissed, angry or excited. Just don’t stop there. Once you acknowledge the feelings, you can decide what, if anything, you want to do next. But your actions will be significantly more logical than fueled by the unexpressed emotion.
So this morning when nothing felt like it was going right. I couldn’t keep an appointment because I couldn’t find the paperwork I needed. I cried and got upset that I failed. I was ready to quit everything. But I chose to quit that moment, not the rest of my life. I had my “no hope” moment and then thought through what control I really had over anything. I decided if there was anything actionable. I apologized to my daughter who I disappointed. (Because even adults mess up and kids deserve apologies too when we do). I moved on to a different task and knew it would still be there after was done being sad.
Eventually my husband found the missing papers. What a huge blessing. But I hesitate to know if how acted was ok. Should kids see their parents fail and maybe learn that we are human too? Or are parents supposed to be superhuman perfection? I don’t know if there is a right or wrong? Just different. All I know is that I am open with my kids about being sad or depressed. So they don’t think it is them and they know they can talk about their feelings too.
The last part was a hard lesson learned after my second oldest daughter tried to commit suicide many years ago. I have done everything I can to try to do things differently ever since. Depression and anxiety are a reality. They exist even when people can’t see it.
So don’t pretend to be ok when you aren’t. The right people will love and support you through it.
#positivelybroken #mentalhealthawareness